Exchange a glance with someone, then look away
Do you realize that you have made a statement? Hold the glance for a second longer, and you have made a different statement. Hold it for 3 seconds, and the meaning has changed again. For every social situation, there is a permissible time that you can hold a person's gaze without being intimate, rude, or aggressive. If you are on an elevator, what gaze-time are you permitted? To answer this question, consider what you typically do. You very likely give other passengers a quick glance to size them up and to assure them that you mean no threat. Since being close to another person signals the possibility of interaction. You need to emit a signal telling others you want to be left alone. So you cut off eye contact, what sociologist Erving Goffman ( 1963) calls "a dimming of the lights. " You look down at the floor, at the indicator lights, anywhere but into another passenger's eyes. Should you break the rule against staring at a stranger on an elevator, you will make the other person exceedingly uncomfortable, and you are likely to feel a bit strange yourself.
If you hold eye contact for more than 3 seconds, what are you telling another person? Much depends on the person and the situation. For instance, a man and a woman communicate interest in this manner. They typically gaze at each other for about 3 seconds at a time, then drop their eyes down for 3 seconds, before letting their eyes meet again. But if one man gives another man a 3-second-plus stare, he signals, "I know you" , "I am interested in you," or "You look peculiar and I am curious about you. " This type of stare often produces hostile feelings.
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